| 006 ; out to kill me |
[26 Mar 2009|08:04pm] |
Warded Private.
There is something in the vents of my house. I can barely breathe. I know there is something in there. I think St. Mungos is trying to save themselves a proper lawsuit for their maltreatment by killing me. My lungs hurt. I did not sleep properly last night because I was afraid that I would stop breathing. I very possibly am going to die.
It feels like a strong possibility. Of course, I always knew my time was coming to an end.
I need when I went to get an allergy potion earlier there was something about the way they were acting but now I know! I can't let this travesty go unknown.
/End Wards
If I do not make it through the night, go after St. Mungos. They have poisoned me.
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| 005 ; Blood, Gore & Agony. |
[12 Mar 2009|12:42am] |
Werewolves are running rampant!
My boss doesn't believe that something happened to me and that's why I haven't been at work the past two days.
They don't believe me at St. Mungos. Gave me bandages and told me to leave.
I'm going to die and no one cares. |
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| 004 ; Waffles & Vampires. |
[08 Mar 2009|06:38pm] |
I had some waffles the other day and they were excellent. Unfortunately, I have couple particularly nasty bruises along the way. I don't think they're fatal but this cold may be. Did you know that thousands of people die each year from the common cold.
I've always had excellent odds when it comes to things like this.
I wouldn't say that it's fortunate. I mean, I'd prefer to have better odds at things like winning a lottery of sorts or a wireless contest. I'd even take for catching the bouquet (as long as I'm not allergic to the flowers). I guess we all have our burdens to bear.
One of my coworkers nabbed the latest famous obituary. I didn't get to write it which disappointed me. She said he was the love of her life and she needed to write it more than me. I guess I can't manage all the high profile deaths. Biting is so unsanitary. She can keep him. I guess it "sucks" to be him. Pun intended.
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| 004 : Seriously? |
[17 Feb 2009|04:52pm] |
Everyone thinks they have big problems but I'm dying.
Honestly, you all need to just take a step back and reevaluate.
This has been a public service announcement from yours truly. Back to working on this obit for Petula Raison. 114. Who wants to be that old anyways?
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| 004 ; Dragon Pox |
[07 Feb 2009|03:58pm] |
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I noticed a new mark on my skin. I'm pretty sure that I have Dragon Pox. It's either that or spattergroit. My immune system feels weak. I don't think I can fight either of them off. What if I have both?
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| 003 ; Get me breakfast. |
[02 Feb 2009|06:20am] |
I'm hungry and I'm going to die if someone doesn't get me breakfast. I have this really ridiculous meeting at work though that I'm required to attend.
So here is my order:
- bacon
- eggs x2 (sunnyside)
- beef sausages
- fried potato bread toast x4
- fried tomatoes
- black coffee
Someone loves me enough to do this.
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| 002 ; In which the world's most overrated person meets her maker |
[25 Jan 2009|01:36pm] |
Well I'll be damned...
Celestina actually kicked the bucket. Seriously who dies from a beauty potion overdose. That's what the word is. I swear it's already turning into a madhouse out there. I'm glad I get to stay in and finish this bloody obituary for the next run for the paper.
I knew that I should have put money on her in the office death poll!
I, however, am still breathing. Just barely. It was a close call with the spider bite. I believe I might have gotten Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease. I knew I shouldn't have grabbed a chips and a burger last night on the way back in to my flat. Bloody Cows.
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| 001 ; A Brown Recluse feasted upon my flesh. |
[23 Jan 2009|07:02pm] |
Rumour has it that Celestina Warbeck has been admitted at St. Mungos. Her staff will not release a statement detailing what her ailment is but the situation appears to be quite grave (no pun intended). The editor called me into his office and said that it would be wise to start working on polishing the obituary. Her people forwarded over what she would like published in the event of her unexpected passing ages ago. We have a number of them on hand actually. I’m particularly fond of what Stubby Boardman wants published though I’m fairly sure I’ll have to edit it to the point that it won’t be quite the same. Censorship is such a dreadful thing!
I got bitten by something in the office. I’m certain that it was a Brown Recluse Spider based on the appearance of the wound. The spot is turning red and it itches. It’s starting to blister and ooze. I am certain that I am going to die. I know that it got the proper amount of venom in me to off me. You can say they’re not dangerous all you want, I will be a goner before the night. I feel a bit faint actually. I feel sick to my stomach as well. I think maybe I ought to drop off by St. Mungos on my way home to have it checked. It is probably too late for an antidote. It feels infected. I hear a lot of people die from the infection instead of the actual bite.
Surely this will be the end of me!
It is sort of disappointing. I was rather looking forward the Ministry Ball. We got word of that as well. I was going to go look for a dress and everything! Woe is me! I suppose I will never get to go to it. It’s probably for the best. I’m afraid my feet might literally disappear. With so many people in one place surely someone is a carrier for the vanishing disease.
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